From the "Idiots of the day" file

Seems it's hard to do something good without someone complaining about it. Yesterday the US House of Reps passed a bill that will increase the price of the federal duck stamp from $15 to $25, a move long supported by hunters - the only people who will actually pay the increase - and that will raise an estimated $120 million in additional funds for conservation.

By this morning the move was already being labeled a "tax hike" by Americans for Prosperity, a group backed by the Koch brothers. I'm not sure if the guys who run that shop came in late today and this position was posted by an overly eager intern who showed up bright and early, but that's the story I'd stick to if I were in charge over there because this is just stupid.

For this increase to be a tax hike I guess you'd have to consider the duck stamp a tax in the first place, which would mean my hunting license is also a tax, along with my driver's license and the ticket to the basketball game I attended, all things I consider privileges that I gladly pay to enjoy. I don't know a single hunter - republican, democrat, libertarian, whatever - who bitches about buying a duck stamp.

The bill (HR5069) contains a provision allowing the Dept of the Interior to reduce the price of the stamp in coming years if the overall revenue generated from stamp sales declines. In other words, if people stop buying duck stamps because of this increase (highly unlikely), they can lower the prices again. Ever seen a tax hike do that? In the meantime all of the increase goes toward buying conservation easements, not bridges to nowhere, not staffing the IRS, not hammers for the defense department.

This is in no way a tax hike, but if I had an agenda that included trying to privatize public land I might try to pitch it as one. In fact, Americans for Prosperity made a lame attempt at trying to tie the two together:

Duck stamp revenue fits the bill of Washington ineptitude – the tax on hunters is used to give more land to the federal government, which already owns over a quarter of all the land in the country and cannot manage it properly.

Purchasing conservation easements isn't quite the same as purchasing land, but never mind such details. We're on a mission and won't be deterred by facts.

Noteworthy: The price of the stamp has remained at $15 since 1991. Inflation adjusted, the price today would be slightly over $26. Maybe instead of a tax hike we call this a long-overdue cost of hunting increase.

The bill still has to pass the Senate, with hopes that it lands on the President's desk by year's end. Please Washington, don't fuck this one up.

Hurricanes and duck stamps

The plan was to spend some time in Charleston, daylight hours on the beach and evenings sampling a few of the many dining establishments, in celebration of my bride's 40th. The dining establishment part was appealing. Sitting on the beach for two days, tempting the skin cancer gods, well.....

Mother Nature to the rescue. Thursday morning broke to showers and a 25 knot wind courtesy of Arthur, the first named storm of the season, and just enough to make the beach unappealing. The birthday girl decided to meet a friend at a Pilates class instead. Yeah I know, but it's her birthday and it would likely keep me out of any number of antique stores. So there I was in the Holy City with several hours on my hands and not one thing to do but wander around.

Downtown Charleston is a swarm of retail stores of all flavors, historic buildings dating back to the early days of our country, restaurants at every turn, and art galleries. Dozens and dozens of art galleries.

Art has always been a bit of an enigma to me, especially when it comes to placing a value on it. What makes one example of paint on canvas worth millions while another struggles to find demand at any price? Simple economics play a role, certainly, but perception seems to drive demand at least as much as supply. If it tickles someone's fancy enough to make him pay a high price, it has instant value to the rest of the art world and instantly lands out of my modest reach. As such, I tend to stay out of art galleries.

Unless, being captive in a city with more art galleries than fire hydrants, I wander by a window with 'Dog and Horse' on it.

Just inside the entrance hung 9 framed pieces of original duck stamp art. Done by several different artists, they dated from the '40s, '50s and '60s and, at least in the in opinion of the owner, are worth about as much as a brand new pickup with all the fixins.

The asking price on the collection is $50,000 and the owner prefers that it be sold as a set and not broken into individual works. Having spent my last $50,000 at Dunkin Donuts a few hours earlier, I was not a player as I gazed at this cut of waterfowling history. They were nice drawings, some intricately detailed and others more intent on action, but I have to say that none moved me, and I for art to have any value beyond mere investment it really should spark some feeling inside. Anger, longing, amazement, exuberance, even shock, anything that grabs your emotions by the collar and shakes them a few times when you look at it.

Someone will buy this collection eventually, though, and it will end up in a study or an office or a hunting retreat and people will ooh and ahh over these old, old duck stamp originals. And the next time they are sold, the price will be higher still.

Poaching as a way of life

Earlier today I came across this article in the Idaho State Journal. It tells the utterly sad and yet completely believable story of a serial poacher and his latest bout with the law.  From the story:

"The charges against Pierce stated that he had illegally killed a number of ducks and geese with a .22 caliber rifle both during the legal take season and after the waterfowl season closure.... Some of the geese recovered at Pierce’s residence were extremely rare, naturally occurring only once in tens of thousands of birds."

His penalty?  Loss of hunting privileges for 15 years.  While this sounds severe to people like you and me, my guess is that it amounts to doing him a favor. This is a guy who takes game out of season, with an unapproved weapon, with a history of game violations dating back to 1998 when he was 15 years old.  Is he really going to let something like the lack of a license deter him?  All they've done is save him the $60 each year that he paid for it. It would've served the state better to make him buy the license but arrest him if he was caught using it.

Wait, they did fine him $1175. Yeah. He could find enough crap in his garage to pawn and pay that by Monday.

My prediction? They'll end up catching him again, maybe he'll go to jail for a month and then get out with a stern "Next time you're caught you'll do the full term, I promise," and then he'll pick up and move to another state and do it all over again. The most pathetic aspect of this tale is that after 15 years he still sucks at it. Yes, he will get caught again.

Here's the line that really got me:

"The system worked in this case exactly as it should have..."

The word they left out was finally. A well-functioning system wouldn't have let it get this far.

Ok, it's easy for me to sit here and armchair quarterback a judge I've never met without offering any suggestions, so I'll throw out what I feel is an appropriate penalty for a serial poacher:  make him live in Manhattan (New York, not Kansas) for 15 years. And tell him that rat season is only open on July 4.

Morrissey who?

Various media outlets are reporting this morning that former Smiths frontman Morrissey has backed out of an appearance on tonite's Jimmy Kimmel Live because he doesn't want to share the stage with the cast of Duck Dynasty.

Morrissey, in the midst of a tour that is receiving somewhat less publicity than that of the Rolling Stones, said, "As far as my reputation is concerned, I can't take the risk of being on a show alongside people who, in effect, amount to animal serial killers."  We're left to wonder exactly what reputation he's so concerned about.  After all, he sells tickets by the thousands hundreds to people who, in effect, amount to animal cannibals.

As is the current fashion in the performing arts, he's managed to take his animal rights crusade a bit too far. One report mentioned he recently suffered from a bleeding ulcer.  So how's that vegan diet working, anyway?

I'll confess, I listened to some Smiths in college, but as far as my reputation is concerned I should note that at the time Morrissey was only a fledgling douchebag.  Such was the case with many singers of the era. Others were just weird and still are.

So far no comment from the Duck Dynasty camp and Jimmy Kimmel quickly filled the vacancy with the band Churchill, who obviously has different priorities in the reputation department. Suspicions of a hidden agenda on Morrissey's part linger.  After digging up this old photo of the performer I'm wondering if he wasn't a bit concerned that Si might mistake his 'do for the ass end of a duck.